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Cloud Strife
Clod (KURUADO SUTRUACASFGF STIR FRY, Cloud Strife) is that one loser you see in all those spinoff games whoring FF7. He is a raging faggot who enjoys crossdressing, chocobos, extreme sports, Lisa Frank, ballerinas, and his favorite Disney Princess is Cindarella. Job Since Advent Children his main job has been delivery service but he does some music on da side. He needs the extra gil to inbreed chocobos. In Kingdom Hearts he is a hobo who mooches off people when they sleep. And has a squirrel he hides in his hair. How Clod Got His Badass Tricycle Clod stepped into the new Seventh Heaven (CUZ DA OLD ONE GOT SMUSHED REMEMBA :|) after coming home (or the closest thing he had to a home that wasn't a slowly decaying church) from a long day of work. Because carrying around boxes of crap by foot is fucking long okay. Don't you look down on him and his manly delivery service that for some reason involves red ribbons. "CLOD U R BAK!!!!! Oh, you are holding something! Is it for me?" Tifa slapped her (not) childhood friend on the back because that's what manly chicks do or something. "What." Cloud sed in confusion as he gave Marlene a random chocobo that totally didn't come from some monster's innards. ".......................... clod whatever happened to pink lady :$" marlene inquired with her sickeningly loli self ".......................................... ................................................ ................................................................................................... Fuck." "SHE WENT TO GO FEED A DUCK?!?!?1?11/1?1?" "................................................................ Yeah........................." "PINK LADY SO NICE WHEN I GROW UP I'LL BE JUST LIKE HER11!!111!!!11!!" Marlene skipped off into whatever. Titi looked in sadness. For some reason Clod was still too stupid to realize she wanted in his pants and instead pedo'd it up with Marlene. Sumtimes she cried at night thinking 'bout dis. But whenever someone asked about it she just claimed it was due to horrid period cramps. "Tifa....... we need to talk." Said Cloud seriously. Because he was very serious at that moment. What, ho! Is this the night she's been dreaming of?! The day Cloud and her have private lovings under the sheets? Tifa tried to hide her enthusiasm but failed because Clod gave her a look when she nodded 4558498545409 times a second. Tifa and Clod sat across from eachother. Very seriously because as said before, Cloud was bein serious about this. "Tifa..... I..." YOU BITCH TAKE ME NOW. But Tifa knew to compose herself on the outside and simply said, "Yes?" ".....I...... want to......." YES. "BUY A TRICYCLE." "Wat." "Bikes are expensive, okay. We don't have that kind of money right now." Tifa took a while to process what just happened. Cloud just stared sadly because he thought he got rejected. Then Marlene burst in the room. "DID SOMEONE SAY TRICYCLE I HAVE A TRICYCLE U WANT MY TRICYCLE CLOUD!!!!!!!!!111" she say "ok" clod sey The next day Clod rode off for deliveries on his manly tricycle that had plastic ribbons all over it and my little pony stickers. Titi got back to how life was before Cloud's serious talk adnok i'm bored of this now wtf did i just write i think i cried at myself for making tifi a slut it's her boobs ok OKboobs ok OK In Kingdom Hearts HE IS MYSTERIOUSLY IN VINCENT'S CLOTHING they say that is either vincent disguised as clod or clod and vincent got frisky at a rave OR CLOUD JUST LIKES JACKING PEOPLE'S CLOTHING WHO NO FANDUMB SAYS HE ANGSTS 37 HOURS A DAY, 3 DAYS A WEEK all da other time he jacks cid's gummi ship and goes to raves ON SUNDAYS HE GROOVES WITH POCAHONTAS he also enjoys dancing to single ladies with the muses from hercules which is why he was there in the first place but then sephiroth kidnapped dem u c FOR SEPHIROTH WAS JELLIN' HE WANTED TO BE A SINGLE LADY TOO AND THEN WHEN HE RETURNS HOME AERIS SMACKS HIM he was suppose to be in bed at that time of day gosh AND YOURE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO GO TO RAVES NO FUCK YOU YOU'RE 7 NOT 21